Posts by Closer to Fine

28

My Boyfriend is a recent Ex Jehovah Witness

by whatisthis12 in

i have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now.

when i met him i had no idea that he was a jehovah witness.

we took a vacation and he lied to his parents about who he was with, and they ended up finding out not only that he way lying, but who i was.

Closer to Fine

I feel I should put my 2 cents in since my situation was very similar to yours. When I met my now husband he was a mostly inactive jw. He didn't tell me for many months that he was raised a jw and when he finally did he downplayed the importance of the religion and made it sound like it was just how he was raised. I didn't think anything of it and had no idea that it was really a cult disguised as a religion. We married and lived without anything jw in our lives for many years. We lived a normal life with Christmas etc... So fast forward a couple decades and when his parents died things changed. His family started working on him and pulled him back in. Then they started working on me and I started going to more meetings, conventions, studying etc.. Once I learned what it was really about I wanted nothing to do with the jws. Now he is semi active and basically lives a double life. Things have dramatically changed between the two of us as well. I am now seen as worldly and have been told that I'm a follower of satan. I know this sounds shocking, but it's the norm for a jw. You either follow jehovah or you follow satan. He regrets not marrying someone in the truth and uses me as an excuse to his family as to why he hasn't progressed more in the religion. Those types of comments never came out of his mouth until he became involved with the jws again. He struggles with all of the guilt and pressure to hurry up and get on board before it's too late. As always, armageddon could be here any minute and if he doesn't survive it he will never see his parents again. His family tells him this weekly by either phone or text. It's not a happy way to live!

I apologize for the long post. Please think very carefully before you pursue any type of commitment with your boyfriend. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but this jw indoctrination can be seriously damaging even if it is dormant for many years. I wish forums like this would have been available back when I was deciding to get married. I had no idea what marrying a jw would mean in my future. You are much more informed than I was and that is a great thing. I wish you the very best!

47

Are JWs "mind trained" to be habitual liars?

by nonjwspouse in

i don't mean overly obvious, or otherwise meaning to cause harm, but taught to lie for the purpose of avoidance.

this type of lying can be pervasive in areas of life that are not just to avoid discussions with people who have questions about the jw, etc.

my husband will lie/be deceitful about the silliest, simple things.

Closer to Fine

Great thread - very informative! Don't have much to add except to agree that lying comes very easily to them in my experience. I've seen it hundreds of times over the 30 years I've had jws in my life. Sometimes at the same time I know they're lying about something, they are commenting on how they always strive to be truthful! The lies and half-truths are so common I don't even know for sure if they realize they're doing it.

55

Why do ones that got out come back in?

by moreconfusedthanever in

i have not been to a meeting for about 2 years now.

i do not intend to go back but one thing has me baffled.

why do ones that have faded and been out for years return?

Closer to Fine

I read every post on this thread and realized (with much sadness) that almost every single reason mentioned for going back applies to my husband, who is in the process of going back. He isn't df'd, in fact he's never been baptized but wants to be. I feel helpless and don't think there is anything I can do to change his mind. The emotional blackmail and shunning from family in particular worked on him.

24

How does one cope with the sudden and unexpected loss of a parent?

by My Name is of No Consequence in

my dad died of a blood clot as a result of surgery late last year.

to say that his death created a bottomless void in our family is an understatement.

i think about him every day, sometimes constantly.

Closer to Fine

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is extremely difficult. You really do have to fight to get through each day, sometimes each hour when your grief is overwhelming. I can empathize with you a bit since my situation has some similarities. I've lost 4 members of my family in the past 4 years including both of my parents. We have, like you our childhood home and we need to find the courage to begin the process of letting go of it. My dad built it with his dad 60 years ago and raised our family there. 60 years worth of stuff, full of memories and we have to decide to keep or discard these things. The task is daunting. I admire your courage for starting that very difficult task.

I think group therapy and/or one on one therapy is very beneficial too. I wasn't able to talk to anyone about my grief so I searched online for help instead. I found a website run by grief therapists called what's your grief dot com. Loads of helpful information on that site as well as lots of podcasts. I was able to listen to the therapy podcasts while at work and they helped me tremendously. I listened everyday for weeks and learned so much about coping with grief. You may want to look at that website to see if it can help you too. Hey free therapy is always a good thing isn't it?

Sounds like your Dad was a really wonderful man. I'm sure he will be missed terribly by all of those that loved him. Take good care of yourself. I don't believe it ever goes away completely, but with time it will become a bit easier to cope with your grief.

11

Episode 4 of This JW Life is out now......

by dubstepped in

spent all day yesterday writing two episodes and recording and editing one podcast of this jw life.

so, episode 4 of my podcast is now out.

i took a minute away from my story (though it is still laced throughout this one) to lay out what goes on inside of a kingdom hall, who the players are, what they believe, and hopefully set a foundation that will help explain my story as one.

Closer to Fine

I often listen to podcasts at work. I look forward to listening to yours, dubstepped. Thank you very much.

37

Watchtower teaches that Jesus dying on the stake is no longer certain

by Listener in

the watchtower has held for many years that jesus died on a stake and held strongly to this teaching.

w 1951 3/15 the above agrees with the new world translation of the christian greek scriptures in its appendix, page 769, in saying that the instrument upon which jesus was nailed was a stake without a crossbeam, and not the religiously represented “cross”; and that the greek word used for that instrument in ancient time meant a “stake” and not the conventional religious cross.

they are no longer certain on this point.

Closer to Fine

The cross vs stake argument has always been a big deal for my husband. It is one of the points he clings to as "proof" the jws are the one and only true religion. The funny thing is that when he is asked to explain what the "proof" is, the only thing he cites is that it couldn't have been a cross since there weren't many trees back then and they wouldn't waste the wood by using a crossbeam. Is that something the org has cited as "proof" - the lack of trees? It seemed like a very weak argument but I kept quiet (as I usually do regarding all things jw related).

23

So, any comments from the Memorial?

by NewYork44M in

jw
friends

perhaps i missed the comments, but i did not see a lot of comments from, or about, the memorial.

it happened last night, right?.

in years past the jwn board was hot with comments.

Closer to Fine

NY44m - I wish I was kidding. The love bombing he gets when he's there puts him in almost a trance like state of mind. He will start going to more meetings now. He always does after the memorial.

23

So, any comments from the Memorial?

by NewYork44M in

jw
friends

perhaps i missed the comments, but i did not see a lot of comments from, or about, the memorial.

it happened last night, right?.

in years past the jwn board was hot with comments.

Closer to Fine

I can't explain why, since I didn't go, but my jw was on the phone all evening talking to friends about it being the best memorial ever!!

26

Russia and the letter writing

by Listener in

this is the whole of the instructions that the watchtower gave jws when writing to russian officials -.

content • you are writing to the official to request his intervention.

express the hope that the russian authorities will stop the legal action being taken against the branch office and the congregations in russia so that our brothers and sisters can continue to gather peacefully for christian meetings without interference.

Closer to Fine

NikL - I too thought they were supposed to remain neutral on all things political. I wonder if silence is the reaction all jws are giving when faced with the neutrality question?

I also thought they wanted governments to turn on religion because this is a sign that the big A is starting? Didn't they show it in a video at their last convention when they were meeting in secret and the authorities showed up in the last scene? I thought they were looking forward to this actually happening because they see it as prophecy? I'm confused as to why they would try to stop it from happening by writing a bunch of letters.

20

Business Slow at JW Literature Trolley

by Athanasius in

yesterday i stopped at a local shopping center to pick up a few things.

i arrived at 9:45 am and two jw ladies had already set up their literature trolley and had opened for business.

but i didn't see anyone stopping by and taking advantage of their free literature.

Closer to Fine

Funny how if you ask a jw about the carts you get a completely different story (at least I did). My SIL told me about a year ago how happy she was that jah blessed them with the carts and how much she loves using them in fs. She said she is reaching so many more people than she was in the door to door work and that so many interested ones approach her throughout the day. This is the same SIL that also told me that those that leave/retire from bethel are taken care of financially by the org for the rest of their lives. She's really quite sweet though and I think she just sees what she wants to see.